The start of a New Journey

Something is not right with my life right now.

This has everything and nothing to do with my consistency in posting blog posts, and YouTube videos. A lot of people may not know this, but a while back, I had employed the services of a life coach.

It was just when I moved back to Malaysia after my medical school stint in Indonesia, and then some. I always used to refer to it as "actionable therapy", because our fortnightly sessions required me to do a deep analysis of my values, and realign them to the goals I wanted to achieve. The product of that year of work, which saw me through joblessness, to my burgeoning freelance writing career, and eventually Housemanship, was the creation of this blog, and my YouTube channel.

There was a point in time that sharing my stories mattered more to me than anything else. I used to say that I was moonlighting as a doctor, obviously implying that my main vocation was a writer. As I type these words, my heart feels heavy in realising how far away I have come from it all.

I last posted a blog post 2 months ago.

I last posted a video on my channel 5 months ago.

We use the term "static" in the hospital whenever we refer to something being exactly the same as before. Control your surprise, I beg you. Typically you will hear it when we refer to a patients hemoglobin levels (the thing your red blood cells lug around that make it appear red in the first place).

Static.

That's the condition my dreams take taken.

I don't want to be too hard on myself because let's face it, it's not like I was idling my life away. I was at work. I'm always at work. And now, after being at work for what feels like 485 years when it has in actual fact been only 1 year and 4 months, I am happy to announce that I am two departments shy of completing my training in becoming a doctor in Malaysia. I may not express it because I'm neck deep in wallowing the state of decimated dreams right now, but this is truly tremendous news.

Now is  probably a good time to tell all you new House Officers that, yes, your dreams take a toll when you start Housemanship, and whether or not it will be worth it is a question for you to answer when you reach the point I am at now:

I'm so close to the end that nothing can sway me from completion, but how do I feel about my static creative output?

In an attempt to build better habits that contribute to the person I want to become, I will stop here, but answer this question in my next post:

Does Instagram actually hold me accountable to the habit of writing consistently, or am I just partaking in some seemingly pointless narcissism?